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Wot gets me goat, though? Them snobs who reckon it’s low-class. Oi, mate, loosen up! Had me ragin’ once—some toff in Westminster bangin’ on about “decency,” while I’m like, “Bruv, chill, it’s just a massage with extras!” Happy as a pig in muck, I’d be, sprawled out, oil drippin’, some bird whisperin’ sweet nothings. Surprised me, too—didn’t expect it’d be so… posh-like? Thought it’d be all seedy, but nah, some places are swanky—marble floors, the lot!

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When I got there, it was a total circus. People in yoga pants trying to do Zumba moves. I mean, can you imagine? It was hilarious and sad at the same time. I had to step in and sort it out. “Alright, folks, let’s just do a little of both!” I said. They loved it! I felt like a hero for a hot minute.

Seven people die from legionellosis in Lithuania's Kaunas